Sunday Scribblings #220--Birth

Birth.

That’s this week’s Sunday Scribblings prompt. Birth. Noun, the time when something begins. The event of being born. Birth. This weekend, I attempted many variations of some sort of prose about birth, metaphorical or literal. Nothing I came up with sounded all that great, so I have it saved somewhere in a junk file to be edited later. (Unfortunately, I have a habit of holding onto things I don’t exactly need.) So I finally decided today, that I would actually write to my small (but hopefully growing!) audience about something more personal than my prose.

I’ve never actually given literal birth, so I’ve no idea what that experience could possibly be like. It seems a bit uncomfortable, but perhaps overall, worth it. J I suppose, metaphorically though, I have.

The most apparent thing I’ve sort of given “birth” to, would be this blog. Ever since I could hold a crayon in my hand, I’ve been writing. Of course, back then I could only speak broken English, and the “stories” most closely resembled mutant letters moving to attack plates of multi-colored pasta. I think, in the decade and a half since that time, my writing has grown quite a lot. Last year, my junior year, I volunteered as an aide in my school’s library. It was a great experience, and I can’t wait to repeat it next year. I made friends with the librarians, one of whom I told about my great love for writing. She told me about Sunday Scribblings and encouraged me to set up my blog as a way to get some criticisms other than a teacher or parent or friend. And so far, it is working quite well, and I thank all of you for your input.

Another thing I’ve metaphorically birthed. After leaving a toxic relationship a few months ago, I really had lost my sense of self. It seems to me that during this relationship I had become entirely dependent on the it for my identity. That was terrible. So, in essence, now that I am no longer bound by that, I’ve begun finding my identity. Me, as an individual. Not me, one half of a relationship. And it’s been kind of tough. After over a year of my life had been spent on that dead end…thing, I was rather lost. I hadn’t written anything worthwhile in that year. Books? Only for school. Movies? Nothing I liked. Video games had become an “evil,” and my other male friends, and most of my female friends had become a thing of the past. I had lost my “I.” I had become a “we.” And, when the time is right and with a mature enough person, being part of a “we” isn’t bad. But in my case, and still being only little more than a child, it was probably the worst thing I could’ve done to myself.

But all is not lost. With the help of family, I picked myself back up again, and rediscovered me individually. And, just so you all know, I’m kind of a goofball. I’m a bit of a movie-junkie, a little video game-obsessed, and an internet-adoring, book-worshipping, friend-appreciating, writing geek. I love my family, my friends, and I’m beginning to love my life. It’s been a long way coming, but I’ll get there.

And a last thing, something I eventually want to give “birth” to. I’ve been tossing around an idea in my brain for the longest time. And each of your criticisms and inputs has helped me come to a decision.

I want to be a writer.

And hopefully, support myself. I know it’s quite a difficult thing to manage, supporting oneself with his or her art. But I feel that, finally, I have what it takes, and each day I’ll learn something new. I can do this. No more “that’s silly.” No more, “maybe as a hobby.” And certainly, no more self-doubt.

My journey, my want to “give birth” to my writing career begins now.

And to all of you who have given me input, and recommended great sites to me, I want to say, thank you.