Sunday Scribblings--Source

I've been on holiday these past few weeks, so I'm just getting back into writing. I decided to take a break from Aria/Castor temporarily. Here's my Sunday Scribblings prompt:

I’ve never been a social person. I’ve been content to keep to myself, my books, my computers, and my imagination. They were the source of my happiness in life. And for a while, that’s what I was. Completely comfortable and happy with just myself. I had enough characters I wrote about to be my friends. And if they were ever lacking, I could read my troubles away and make friends across centuries, oceans, and dimensions. Yeah, while other kids were attending birthday parties and battling with water balloons, I was attending magical feasts and fighting off evil factions with a swords and crossbows. I never needed anybody.

Until I met you. The new kid.

You were the only other person I’d given more than a few minutes thought to. What placed you apart from the others was the fact that you--you actually reached out to me. Unlike the others, who’ve known me since kindergarten; you weren’t content letting me just pass by. You actually wanted to talk to me. Me. I realized soon what I’d been missing after you and I became friends.

We spent so much time together, my parents were slightly concerned. I’d spend afternoons at your house, and we’d talk, or watch television, or play video games. I never stayed the night though, being a girl and everything. I kept my guard up---I thought this friendship would last three weeks, tops. But it lasted much longer, and our friendship was effortless.

In high school, things changed. We became closer. One night when we were at my house watching a crappy historical movie, you leaned over. You kissed me. I was shocked. Happy, ecstatic, even. But shocked. I never thought I’d have friends. I had accepted that. In fact, I managed to be happy. But the moment when our lips touched, hesitantly at first, then more sure of ourselves…. Things were going crazy. I wasn’t in control anymore. And I did the unthinkable. I kissed you back. My rational, orderly life had been scattered. My heart took over. I was brain dead.

School changed dramatically. We arrived at school together, and as we entered the cafeteria, you grabbed my hand and led me to a table to await the morning bell. They watched in disbelief. Us, be together, they thought. The quiet, insecure girl, and the generally charming, gregarious boy? Impossible.

But we were so happy. We were together throughout high school while they were switching relationships like underwear. We even planned on going to college together. But never once did I let my guard down. And when you told me you loved me--I dodged the question.

And to think, I thought it would be temporary.

I was right.

It didn’t last. I just couldn’t open up to you any more than I had. I fell so hard from that. It completely shattered me, once I considered everything. When you think with your heart there isn’t a thing you can’t see. I tried to get over it by being angry at you. I couldn’t bring myself to do that. I then tried to tell you that I didn’t care. It was nothing. You knew I was lying.

I’m just a kid, like you. I borrow phrases from dog-eared pages. My story is no different, I’ve just changed the name. I know you think you know me. But my eyes are doors that keep you out from things I don’t want you to know…you wanna know why I couldn’t tell you how I felt? It wasn’t because I didn’t return the feelings, because trust me, I felt the same way. I loved you, Noel. I did. I still do. No, not loving you wasn’t the reason.

I was frightened of what I’d find in your eyes.